The Game Where Everyone Loses 

By Samuel James

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I know many of us have compared ourselves to others. We’ve looked at what they have or do and thought, “Hey, I want that too.”

I have a confession to make. There was a season of my life where I was a major victim of the comparison game. Let’s just say it didn’t go well for me. I wound up with a damaged self-image, strained friendships, and probably not the greatest mental health.

But that isn’t the point.  I want to show you what led me into the pit of comparison, but also how I got out. 

How comparison begins.

My mood had shifted. I found myself feeling more and more sad and depressed. After a few weeks, I still couldn’t figure out why it was happening. I was constantly feeling down, and nothing was cheering me up. I was filled with worry and anxiety.

Had anyone directly done anything to hurt me? No. Then what is causing this? I asked myself, Why do I feel like my life is falling apart?

Then I realized what had happened.

The devil’s trap.

The perilous game known as comparison. Also called jealousy, or envy. When reading the Ten Commandments I so often overlooked the last one. It seems simple: Do not covet. Yet it’s harder than you think. And the consequences of failing to obey what it says can be devastating to so many areas of your life.

I was damaging my self-esteem and my relationships by waging an internal war between the devil and my conscience. Satan kept poking me, pointing out what other people had or got to do. A certain job, an amazing experience, an award or achievement, you name it. At the same time, he pointed out what I was lacking, and what I didn’t get to do.

This left me with an inescapable feeling of jealousy and a lack of self-worth. I was subconsciously comparing myself to others all the time. As a writer, I struggled with feeling a lack of worth in what I was doing. I looked around at the achievements others were getting while doing the things they loved, and questioned my worth.

The only way I managed to find some happiness was, once again, in comparison. Except this time it was by looking down on those beneath me. People who weren’t as “far along” in their journey. It made me feel like I had some worth when my deluded mind could think, “Yeah, at least I’m better than them.”

So there I was, hurting, broken, and unable to face those around me because of my self-inflicted pain. I was depressed, on the verge of hurting those around me, lacking a feeling of worth as a writer, and running out of hope.

How to break free from comparison.

I could’ve made it so much easier on myself if only I’d turned to God in the first place. But I didn’t. So when I finally chose to face my demons, the result was several days of pouring my thoughts out to Jesus in my devotions. Yes, it was hard. And yes, it hurt.

The truth is, that dealing with comparison was a multi-step journey. I hope that if you ever find yourself in the same situation, these words can help you break free as well. To start, I needed to accept the reality of what was happening. I’d been trying to evade the issue for months, keeping it submerged. But at long last, the truth came into the light.

Once I acknowledged my involvement in the comparison game, I took the whole situation to the one Person who could help me deal with it. Jesus. I told Him how I felt, what I was dealing with, and that I desperately needed His help.

From there Jesus began to work in me, showing me everything that I could be grateful for in my own life. He showed me what it was about me that was special in His eyes. He also reminded me that He maps out everyone’s journey and that everybody’s path takes different twists and turns.

Nonetheless, it wasn’t easy to accept that others had things I wanted.

Jesus knows best.

A grave truth: when I compared myself against what others had, what I was doing was doubting what God had given me. I was telling Him I thought I knew better. When I let jealousy corrupt my life, I was saying that I thought God had messed up. But God wasn’t being unfair to me. He was simply leading me down a different road. Was it the path I wanted? At the time, no.

But as time wore on, I realized a vital truth. In the end, if Jesus gave me everything I asked for – every award, experience, and dollar I saw other people getting – would I be any happier? Would I feel any more fulfilled?

The answer was undeniably no.

Realizing this allowed me to finally see that – even though it may not look like I want it to – Jesus is leading me down the right path. Sure, it isn’t the same path others get to travel. That’s okay. In the end, I know Jesus has a special plan for my life that He’s shaping even now.

Psalm 63 reminds us to thirst for God above all else, and that’s what I’ve slowly come to see as I fight this battle. Nothing in this world is worth more than living for Christ. 

How do we fight comparison?

You need to know that the devil wins by making you feel alone. It’s when you hide what you’re dealing with that it festers. Before you can even attempt healing, you need to talk to people you trust about your problems.

Beyond that, the #1 tip I can give you for fighting comparison comes in the form of a single word. Yes, talk about your problems, journal about them, and of course, pray about them. However, there’s something even better. Jesus gave it to us Himself.

Gratefulness.

We need to practice gratitude.

The truth is, we will never be on top. There will always be someone who will have more than we do. Once we realize this, instead of being jealous about what we don’t have, we can thank God for what we do have. When I truly looked around, I saw so many things to appreciate. Now as I think back, it makes me sad that, despite all the good things God had done, it was the things I didn’t have that captured my attention. 

Fighting comparative and negative thoughts is something I’ve had to deal with throughout my journey as a writer. Let me tell you, they don’t leave you feeling upbeat. I discovered that overcoming comparison is a mental battle, not a physical one. It can’t be won by actions but by gratitude. When we focus on what we do have instead of what we don’t have, we put ourselves in a much better state of mind, and the comparison game loses its allure.

I now know that for comparison to stay out of my life, I need to think positively instead of negatively. I need to practice thankfulness instead of jealousy. If you too want to break free from the game, I pray my journey can help inspire you. There is hope. 

If you make gratefulness a common practice, you won’t believe the difference it’ll make in your mood. If you fix your eyes on what God has given you instead of what the devil says you need, you’ll find yourself feeling far more optimistic.

Comparison isn’t an easy thing to overcome. But it can be done (gratitude journals are a great way to do so). It may seem burdensome at times, and there will be days when you want to just give up and sink back into the pit. Please, keep at it. Because I’ve learned from experience that with God’s help, you don’t have to be its slave. Now isn’t that something to be grateful for?